Here

(2.00 AM)

I’m sorry if I seem uninterested

Or I’m not listening or I’m indifferent

Truly, I ain’t got no business here

But since my friends are here

I just came to kick it but really

I would rather be at home all by myself not in this room

With people who don’t even care about my well-being

I don’t dance, don’t ask, I don’t need a boyfriend

So you can go back, please enjoy your party

I’ll be here, somewhere in the corner under clouds of marijuana

With this boy who’s hollering I can hardly hear

Over this music I don’t listen to and I don’t wanna get with you

So tell my friends that I’ll be over here

Excuse me if I seem a little unimpressed with this

An anti-social pessimist but usually I don’t mess with this

And I know you mean only the best and

Your intentions aren’t to bother me

But honestly I’d rather be

Somewhere with my people we can kick it and just listen

To some music with the message (like we usually do)

And we’ll discuss our big dreams

How we plan to take over the planet

So pardon my manners, I hope you’ll understand it

That I’ll be here

Not there in the kitchen with the girl

Who’s always gossiping about her friends

So tell them I’ll be here

Right next to the boy who’s throwing up ’cause

He can’t take what’s in his cup no more

Oh God why am I here?

I can’t wait till we can break up outta here

Hours later congregating next to the refrigerator

Some girl’s talking ’bout her haters

She ain’t got none

How did it ever come to this

I shoulda never come to this

So holla at me I’ll be in the car when you’re done

I’m standoffish, don’t want what you’re offering

And I’m done talking

Awfully sad it had to be that way

So tell my people when they’re ready that I’m ready

And I’m standing by the TV with my beanie low

Yo I’ll be over here

Hello there. Do you sometimes go to a party or event but you regret it so you wish you were at home watching Netflix? Yeah me too

Bawse tip for writers; You have to keep drafts for times when you can’t write to avoid “not posting” in the name of being busy. This was a draft that I wrote when I was free. When you’re free, push yourself and write more articles then. I am busy and tired but issa wednesday and I had to post.

Update: Am finally finishing my exams today!!! I have a lot of plans for the blog this holiday plus announcements lol so drop by next Wednesday aye? 

Reminder:I love you if you’re reading this❤

Like, comment and share if you feel like.

A N X I E T Y

​It was December of 2015 in the sunny town of Nairobi

I stood next to my sister in a line surrounded by hundreds of other people on our way to watch Star Wars

When suddenly I was engulfed with fear and panic

As my body began to fade

In this moment my mind was full of clarity

But my body insisted it was in danger

I looked around and I told myself I was safe, I was fine

But I was convinced that something was wrong

Before I knew it I felt as though I was going to

Fall and fade away

My body grew weak

And soon enough I found myself in a hospital bed being told what I went through was anxiety

I refused to believe this story

I searched and searched for the cause of what had happened to me

I began to feel detached from reality

I felt as though I was seeing the world through a glass

I got blood work done

Analysis of my mind and body to no avail

The doctor said it was anxiety

But how could it be anxiety?

How could anxiety make me physically feel off balance?

How could anxiety make me feel as though I was fading from this world and on the brink of death?

Derealization

The sense of being out of one’s body

I’m not here

I’m not me

I’m not real

Nothing is

Nothing but this feeling of panic

Nobody understands

Nobody knows the sufferings

This physical feeling

It can’t be anxiety

It can’t

Or can it?

Can it in fact be the mind controlling the body?

Yeah, of course

I’m so in control of my mind and my body

But I’m subconsciously forcing myself into a state

Of self bondage entangled by the ropes of my own mind

I am unhappy

Not with life

But with this feeling

I am scared I’m human

I look in the mirror and I see a child

I am an adult who recognizes grown ups don’t really know shit

And it scares me

Cause now I’m just a grown up who doesn’t know shit

But one thing is I do know this feeling, this horrible feeling is going to kill me

No, no this feeling

This anxiety is nothing

I have anxiety

Just like you, the person I wrote this for

And together we will overcome this feeling

We will remember despite the attacks and constant feeling of our mind and body being on the edge

That we are alive

And any moments we have free of this feeling we will not take for granted

We will rejoice in this gift that is life

We will rejoice in this day that we have been given

We will accept our anxiety and strive for the betterment of ourselves

Starting with mental health

We will accept ourselves as we are

And we will be happy with the person we see in the mirror

We will accept ourselves

And live with anxiety

Anxiety Logic Everybody

Strange Love

Everybody wants to know

If we fucked on the bathroom sink

How your hands felt in my hair

If we were high on amphetamines

And everybody wants to hear

How we chainsmoked until three

And how you laughed when you said my name

And how you gripped my hips so mean

We wrote a story in the fog on the windows that night

But the ending is the same every damn time

They think I’m insane, they think my lover is strange

But I don’t have to fucking tell them anything

And I’m gonna write it all down

And I’m gonna sing it on stage

But I don’t have to fucking tell you anything

That’s the beauty of a secret

You know you’re supposed to keep it

But I don’t have to tell you anything

Everybody’s waiting up to hear if I dare speak your name

Put it deep beneath the track, like the hole you left in me

And everybody wants to know about how it felt to hear you scream

They know you walk like you’re a god, they can’t believe I made you weak

These days I can’t seem to get along with anyone

Get by with anyone

These days I can’t seem to make this right

Well, is this fine? Will it be alright?

Strange Love – Halsey – Badlands

Holllluuppp, that’s a song by Halsey that I LOVE. I edited it to make it readable lol.  I love Halsey, after Sia, so it’s a big deal. Also, I haven’t been able to write because I have exams but a girl has to post on her blog every Wednesday!

Go listen to that song. If you don’t know who Halsey is, you need help. Please get help as soon as possible. Like google or something because I won’t answer you. And she has a new album too so yoooo, ISSA BIG TING, YUH DUNNO, EH!

XoXo, see you next time💋

Rant and Stay Alive

Am I just going to sit here and pretend that I don’t need help?

Am I going to ignore these feelings that come to me when am alone?

Am I going to live with the fact that sometimes I feel like quiting school because am so bored of education?

Stop right there if you are going to tell me that I’m too young to complain!

So it’s okay for people to suffer because they are young?

Because apparently that moulds them for the future? Which future? Have you seen the future? No.

Am I going to say it’s okay when I’ve been getting only 4 or 3 hours of sleep?

What happened to getting 8 hours of sleep?

Stop right there if you want to say that I have to sacrifice my sleep to achieve what I want! Just stop. You are part of the problem

Am I going to say I can manage all the work and things I have to do because I have a reputation?

Am I going to wait for the weekend every week so that I can finally distract my mind but still dread Monday because it feels like I live in a cage of schedules and expectations?

Am I going to listen to you say shit like it’s going to be okay just because you posted a relatable quote?

Am I going to listen to you say that complaining and ranting does not help?

No, hell no

I am going to rant

I am going to complain

And you are going to deal with that

It’s not okay

Stop saying it’s okay when it’s not

You don’t know the future

Stop saying everything is going to be okay

I don’t want it to be okay

I want it to stop

I want it to get away from me

I want to sleep peacefully knowing I don’t have to obey that alarm

I want to lazy around and not think about how hard I have to work

Stop telling me it’s impossible because you don’t have an open mind

Stop telling me that nothing will come easy because you are not helping me at all

I want you to keep your thoughts to yourself

I want you to stop talking about me

Think about your life 

Because your life is sure as shit as mine

I want you to accept that it’s not okay to not be okay

It’s not fucking okay 

We were not born to not be okay

To not feel right deep inside

To feel like we need to hide

To get high to forget what we really feel

I want you to stop worrying about me or anyone else you think is worth your time

And fix your life

You know what you have to deal with

Why are you letting yourself worry about others

You don’t have to care about them

It’s not a rule to care about others

You were not born to help others

They lied to you

You were born to be selfish 

Love yourself first

Stop. Now. Worry about yourself.

Because everyone is dealing with some shit in their lives

You know what’s okay?

It’s okay to get fed up of people and things

It’s okay to rant and free your mind

It’s okay to be mad and angry

But you have to let it go 

And continue grinding

Like everybody else does 

Hello there! Wuss popping! Today is the last day of May and this is sure the last blog post of the month. This month has been really hectic for me and I had to do a rant. Because FAM, I am tired.

On the brighter side, June is with us and IT’S MY BIRTHDAY MONTH!!!!🎆Cool people are born in June because literally, it is a cool month. We also have cold hearts because issa cold month😂Anyway, Happy New Month in advance🎉☺

Stay cool❤ Stay Alive😘Stay Awesome💓 

Keshie loves you, ALOT!!!!!

Stalking the Stalker 3

I’m sure you wonder what Brian replied after Keshie blew up with all this information about him

(see previous episode Here)

But Brian is a smart guy

Well, maybe smarter than Keshie

(did I actually type that? Brian? Smarter than me? Oh so there exists a stalker who is smarter than me? Issa joke fam.)

You see, this girl thinks she knows everything about everyone

But maybe she just knows them on the surface

For Brian, he is more than that DM

He knows so much about her

Maybe he’s the only person who really knows her

Beneath the surface

So he goes ahead, takes his laptop and starts drafting an email

Keshie, welcome to your tape.

You can make yourself comfortable, grab a snack, some mint tictacs maybe and settle in

Cause am about to tell you the story of your life

That which not most people know about

Who were you before you became a writer?

Before the world read you like an open book?

Before they told you who you can and can’t be?

Cause I think I know who you were

I know how your childhood was like

You were the good kid

The kinda kid that studied hard

Because that’s all she could do well

You were introverted

And didn’t talk to a lot of people

Maybe that one crush 

Cox, with the green bag

You never had a talent really

You were skinny and weak

Did you really think that you’d be good in any outdoor games?

And to think that you’d make up for that by at least being a fast runner like other kids

But oh boy, same old girl, too lazy to run

But you were good in mind games

But which kid wanted to play scrabble at that time? Boriiiiing!

Your parents were used to their kids passing in school

So you never expected any appreciation or gift whatsoever no matter how good you performed

I know you wished to be like other kids who got gifts after a small improvement

But it never happened, and it was normal for you

And at that tender age, you learnt to do things without expecting anything in return

You learnt to be a good person without expecting recognition 

It was normal for you to kill people with kindness

Fast forward to highschool where you were exposed to a lot of people

Got a couple friends who related to you

Got the teenage syndrome where one feels like they are the shit when they really ain’t shit

Grew some bomb ass attitude up your sleeve but later on listened to Kendrick Lamar and became humble

Had the mentality that you were a cool kid just because you watched all the latest movies and series in Hollywood

Had friends who knew you as this bubbly, sarcastic cool girl but really didn’t know the dark side of you

I know you woke up one night at home

You watched the stars at 2am

And you cried because you felt lonely

Felt like you had no purpose in life

Felt like you’re just passing through life

You were not happy inside

You hated yourself

You hated how you looked like

You hated your smile

You even hated your name

You hated that feeling that would come to you at night

Constantly reminding you that you were nothing

I know you tried to commit suicide once

Were you 15 or something?

I know you smiled and seemed like a normal girl with a perfect life but

You were depressed and tired of the pressures of life

Until you discovered Sia Furler

You listened to her voice and felt alive

And not so many people know why you love Sia that much

Now they know, she saved your poor life

I know you had and still have a lot of limegreen notebooks

Where you wrote how you felt, how your day was like, which people you met, and you noticed how better it felt after letting out your thoughts

Then one day when you were home alone

You discovered WordPress

And thought, why not actually write my thoughts here? It’s way cooler

And people will call me a blogger, a cool kid

So you started a blog but you never knew what changes it would bring into your life

You stopped being sad inside and felt some weird kind of joy when people viewed what you wrote

After some time, you found your way around with words

Nobody taught you, it just came to you

And you were able to reach out to people through your articles and posts

Because you knew how it felt like to be sad, to be down, to have no one to talk to and that’s why you wrote your feelings for anyone who cared to read

Then you discovered that you were not alone

There were other people like you

People who felt free and alive after writing their minds

Then you decided that this was your talent

And if it wasn’t, then God never really gave you a gift

And you changed some people’s lives unknowingly

Because you related to how they felt

I know that you’re happier now

I know that you have people to talk to now

People who love you the way you deserve to be loved 

I know that you are not going to think about committing suicide any time soon

I know that you aspire to be a famous writer

And I hope you achieve all your goals

But I have one request

Do not forget where you came from

Because it is only then, that you will touch more lives through the simple act of writing

With love, your lifelong stalkerツ”


I have always wanted to tell a story of that side of my life. And Brian did it best. The Stalking the Stalker series is finally over. Turns out Brian is a better stalker than I am😭😢

Special thanks to you if you have been following up on these episodes. If you haven’t just scroll through my home page and you’ll find them. More life ‘pon your head top! See you next Wednesday💕 

Like, share and comment on this post if you are a cool person🌚😊

1-800-273-8255

​I’ve been on the low

I been taking my time

I feel like I’m out of my mind

It feels like my life ain’t mine

Who can relate?

I don’t wanna be alive

I just wanna die today

I just wanna die

And let me tell you why

All this other shit I’m talking ’bout they think they know it

I’ve been praying for somebody to save me, no one’s heroic

And my life don’t even matter

I know it, I know I’m hurting deep down but can’t show it

I never had a place to call my own

I never had a home

Ain’t nobody calling my phone

“Where you been? Where you at? What’s on your mind?”

They say every life precious but nobody cares about mine

It feels like my life ain’t mine

I want you to be alive

You don’t gotta die today

You don’t gotta die

Now lemme tell you why

It’s the very first breath

When your head’s been drowning underwater

And it’s the lightness in the air

When you’re there

Chest to chest with a lover

It’s holding on, though the road’s long

And seeing light in the darkest things

And when you stare at your reflection

Finally knowing who it is

I know that you’ll thank God you did

I know where you been, where you are, where you going

I know you’re the reason I believe in life

What’s the day without a little night?

I’m just tryna shed a little light

It can be hard

It can be so hard

But you gotta live right now

You got everything to give right now

Me, alive at the roofttop featuring my hand

I finally wanna be alive

I don’t wanna die today

I don’t wanna die

Pain don’t hurt the same, I know

The lane I travel feels alone

But I’m moving until my legs give out

And I see my tears melt in the snow

But I don’t wanna cry

I don’t wanna cry anymore

I wanna feel alive

I don’t even wanna die anymore

(Well, Hello there. This is not the 3rd episode of Stalking the Stalker. 1-800-273-8255 is a song by Logic, Alessia Cara and Khalid. 

It addresses suicide and the thoughts we have at times. Thoughts to end your life when you feel alone, confused, depressed, directionless, ‘Hannah Baker’ like (13 Reasons Why) etc. Almost all of us have those feelings, and if you are down right now, this is for you. I wrote this when I was down too. Well not literally, cause I was at the rooftop when writing this lol. Please note I was not at the rooftop trying to commit suicide. But maybe you, him, her, they were trying to commit suicide. 

People go through shit in this life. Different shit everyday that you don’t know about. The least you can do is don’t judge them. You think you know someone, but do you even know their last name? Do you know what they like and don’t? Do you know that small things you do to them might hurt them? No you don’t. So deal with the shit in your life. And stop judging people or spreading hate/negative vibes. Have a productive day if you’re reading this. It was super long!!!😢I’ll finish the series when I get the energy to. More life ‘pon your head top!🍉💕) 

Stalking the Stalker (2)

(Series Edition – See previous episode Here)

It’s really cold and this May weather may kill us all

Keshie is in her room, not taking coffee

But water, cause she’s trying to be healthy by staying hydrated

And she’s catching up on 13 Reasons Why because when everyone was watching it she was at school working on a lot 🌚

The night has just started for her

I like to think that her cats have influenced her cause she is nocturnal

She doesn’t sleep at night

Well, at least not fully

It’s slightly past 12 now

A lot of messages from occasional people but she doesn’t even check them because, no energy for conversations

Zzzzzz,  12.21AM

Instagram _.b.r.i.an._ sent you a direct message

She ignores and continues watching this lit series because, priorities 

3 hours later

She finally decides to sleep but let’s open this DM first

Oooh dear here is another fan

She presses that automated red love emoji because again, no energy to type anything

But you know Keshie, she’s curious (like her cats again ugh)

If anyone, and I mean anyone, DMs her

She will stalk him/her comprehensively

That is if they are worth it and she has the time

She clicks on his bio, nothing fancy

Not so bad for a guy with 583 followers

Why all these pictures though?

162 photos on your feed fam are you a celebrity?

Lets scroll through them

In the process, she is finding out ALOT about this guy

His age, his birthday, his friends and their relatives, his school, what he loves to do, his grandma’s name, his Mpesa balance, where his friends like to party, the color of his toothbrush, where he buys his happy socks, the name of his dog…

ALOT of information!🌚

She even knows Brian’s favorite colour has to be red cause he is a fan of the great Manchester United

At 4AM she snaps and asks herself why she is stalking him at this time

So, her eyes shut down and she sleeps on it

Fast forward to the next day where this Brian guy is all up in her DM with some good morning vibes, you know how it goes

Brian with the morning vibes
Brian thinking Keshie knows nothing about a stranger like him

Brian probably thinks this girl is trying to curve him cause she has no interest in knowing him better

But in real sense

Keshie is not bluffing

She knows quite alot about him

So she decides to prove herself

It’s so like her

And boom! She blows up with all this information about him

Brian is shook right now

Why and how does this girl know so much about me?

Keshie, the unapologetic stalker, texting Brian part of the information she gathered the previous night

It’s so scary when a stranger knows so much about you

Sometimes you wonder if they were sent by the devil himself

But, it’s the power of the internet and what you put out there for the world to see

So Brian freaks out

Breaths in and out

And thinks of what he will reply to this pro stalker

Holllluuuuup!!It’s getting hotter aye😂😂It goes down in the DM, they said. Will Brian text back? Or will he block her cause she knows too much about him? Let’s find out in the last and next episode of Stalking the Stalker where alot shall be revealed😂😂😂

I finally got the energy to continue writing this story for you. Special thanks go to M💕 for helping me with this episode. I love you❤ Also, thanks to you who is reading this right now cause I do this for you. Yes, you. Cash me here next wednesday😊!