The title is dedicated to Billie Eilish (pictured above) who I’ve been loving since I don’t know when. Billie is a great singer and I’m not telling you to listen to her, it just happens that as I am typing these words, her song is playing in the background “...when you give me those ocean eyes…”
I had really missed writing. The thing is I didn’t really plan on a hiatus. If I remember well, I was doing a series and I didn’t even get to finish it. Life just happened.
Then my birthday came and I was going to do a post on 20 things I’ve learnt in my 20 years. But then again, what do you really know about this life Keshie you naughty procrastinator? My mind has not been in a space to write at all off late, but it has been at peace (or not since I was doing my final exams this semester) and I just wanted to share some random things I’ve been loving;
Meditation. I know. What in the world Keshie? I’m an over thinker and I really just wanted to calm my thoughts. I downloaded this app called Headspace (not an ad, I wish) and boy have I been feeling zen since then. I’ve been meditating every morning for 3 minutes daily. The most I’ve learnt is that the goal is not to have thoughts at all, it’s to not engage your mind in all of them. To be calm and to let your brain do whatever it wants sometimes. So yeah, go check out that app if you want to and we can be headspace buddies!
Taking and editing photos. Where do I even start? I have always had a thing for photography but in the month of June, it’s like my hands just wanted to capture everything, everywhere. If you follow me on Instagram (@keshie_muchai) you know. I would be walking home and want to take a photo of that building, those cars in traffic, those birds, those balloons, my shoes, the sunset. Everything. I love being behind the camera. A LOT.
The Slumflower. So I got back on Twitter and let me tell y’all I found this gem called @the_slumflower. It’s like I know her but at the same time I don’t. She’s an unapologetic author, TED X speaker and most importantly one of those beautiful friends everyone needs. I have definitely loved myself more since discovering her, have been more unapologetic about what and who I spend my time on/with and how I live my life. She’s like that person you need to give you positive daily affirmations but at the same time she’ll tell you to be that bitch cause you are that bitch. Okay enough, I just, I stan.
Everything is Love (The Carters). If you live under a rock, you probably don’t know that Beyoncé and Jay Z released an album together, so now you know. The reason why this album is special is because the very first time I listened to it, I was happy and living my best life. So every time I listen to it, it takes me back to those memories and a certain mood. Not to mention the album is a work of art, FRIENDS being my favorite song off it.
World Cup 2018. Unlike my sister who just started watching the games during the semi finals, I have kinda been following these games since the world cup started. Some by choice, some not. I’m not a football fan or whatever but the adrenaline and anxiety that comes with watching a match is undefeated. And the underdogs have been winning, can’t wait for the finals, maybe, just maybe, Croatia will win that cup.
Okay I’m tired. If we school together, you know how I’ve been loving eating ugali/eggs. I don’t know what happened to me but that’s what I’ve been eating this exam period lol. Also, I’ve been obsessing over Billie Eilish, clearly. On Netflix, nothing I’ve watched beats Money Heist (LA casa de papel).
Your girl is out, I had missed writing honestly so whatever that was, just know it was on my mind. Thanks for coming back every time, BAYIIIIII❤❤❤❤❤
Wassup you, yes you reading this, I haven’t done an article like this in a minute (Just kidding, have I ever even done a book review? Who do I think I am lol I need to chill)
So in my quest to read and encourage people to read more books this year, I’m happy to announce that I took part in the editing of a book, an amazing poetry book, let that sink in please, has it?
The book SHADOWS, FLAMES & ROSES is by our very own talented writer and someone I have known for quite sometime, Herbert Mowo
To be honest, when he asked me to help him with the intro and preface and basically the final touches of his first book, I was like “Issa no, I am not worthy to be in your presence because I’m not poetic at all, I just write what I’m feeling anyhow but hell yeah I’m going to do it!”
He is the definition of art to say the very least and before I give you the tea on this book please go check out his blog HERE then come back
This book is a collection of poems about mental illness; depression, self-destruction, anxiety and above them all, love. Finding love and losing it all together.
The first poems are of a teenage girl who self destructs, she is depressed and every time she tries to escape her own thoughts, she finds herself in a cage. She is her own biggest enemy for her own thoughts haunt her.
Later on we see a boy suffering from anxiety who falls in love. The girl he loves is his cure, she heals him from himself and his thoughts. They have a connection but the girl doesn’t show him the same love he gives. She doesn’t love him “that way”. She rejects him and this leads up to the boy getting depressed.
He doesn’t believe he is human, let alone a boy, he was forced to grow up so fast. He was taught to hold his feelings in. He was taught that o be a man you must not get heartbroken and cry “like a girl”. What is this madness that society feeds him?
He is alone. He doesn’t have friends and the girl he gave his heart to tore it apart.
He once tries to kill himself by clenching a crucifix in his palm until he bleeds, saying half hearted prayers constantly mentioning the name of his lost lover.
He was rejected by the girl he loved
The rejection was so blunt
He had imagined the future with her and wanted to make her his queen, but what is life? He is shattered and weak to the point of no end. Did love make him this way?
On one calm night, he gives love another chance. He visits this girl, they fight and she slams the door on him.
He slits his wrist later on that night
He is found dead in a bathtub the next morning
His relatives mourn him, “he looked okay and kept to himself, what could have led to this act of self harm?”
His “girlfriend” is full of guilt and maybe she will never know what peace feels like
The boy is now gone, his lips remain closed forever
Harbouring the words he always wanted to say but never got the chance to
” I want to die”
Sigh, that’s not even half of this book. There are more poems you need to discover. That was just part of my favorite ones which I hope I interpreted well lol.
So where can you get the book and experience the magic that is poetry?
You can get the paperback (hard copy) on Amazon using this LINK or read it on Kindle (softcopy) using this LINK. I hope you enjoy the book as much as I did❤
I just want to say congrats to Herbert for publishing his first book. If you are reading this, just know I loved it and I’m so proud!!!
PS: I’m posting part 4 of the collab I’ve been doing later on today!
You see there is something about that first argument in a relationship. That’s when the strength of your bond is tested.
Nicholas had never been a violent man in his entire life and neither did he have anger problems but on this specific day he looked like he had lost it, hell had broken loose. If you think it was about the wedding, then you are wrong. Remember Bella’s first love? The one she had a child with? He was back. He knew they were in communication and he wanted his son back. At first he chose to ignore it but when she kept pestering him about having a Church wedding, he couldn’t hold it anymore.
That night, Bella had come home from school as usual, made some tea for her husband to sip as she prepared supper and after the meal they peacefully went to bed. Then the usual question was popped up as they lay on bed. “So you decided our union will never be made official?”, she asked in a soft voice. At first there was dead silence, Nicholas was ignoring her again but this time she decided to push him a little further. “You know it would make my mother very happy to finally see me walk down the aisle.” This is what finally triggered his anger. “How can I marry a woman who cannot settle on one man? If you miss him so much you can go back to him, carry your son with you as well!”, he thundered back at her.
“So you have been going through my phone? What else have you been looking at? You don’t trust me?” Bella fired back as she adjusted her sitting position on the bed. “Trust you? How can I trust a woman who is always on phone with another man on every opportunity she gets?” said Nicholas as he turned and faced her. What followed was a hot slap on his left cheek. “Nobody disrespects me like that!” shouted Bella with tears already rolling down her face. The slap angered Nicholas and suddenly blows and kicks fell on Bella.
Martin and his brother were sleeping in their room when they heard the commotion and he quickly got out of bed and went to answer his mother’s cry. Luckily for him, the door was left unlocked. Immediately Nicholas saw him he stopped.
Since that day, life changed a big deal. Nicholas started going out more and had little time for the family. He even took a loan and bought a bike for himself a bike. All he did was hang out with friends and drink. The kids were now old enough to realize that their father was never there for them. In the process, Bella was pregnant with her third child, the one who would completely change her life years later. Anything Bella told her husband fell on deaf ears. She was struggling to get a piece of land and attempt building a decent house for the family but her husband was the opposite of supportive. He only gave her less than a quarter of what he earned, when he was in good moods. During other times he completely disappeared after receiving his salary, sometimes coming back after a week or two.
All this while, she was raising the kids on her own. During one time they were sent off from school and stayed home for over a month. It took the help of the school director to have the kids back in school.
A few months later, Bella was admitted inside the maternity wing at Chogoria Hospital where she gave birth to a baby boy and decided to name him Teddy. Unlike many other deliveries where the husband is present, Bella was on her own here. In fact, she was the one who called her sister to tell her that the delivery was a success. Nicholas? He was out with his friends, a few towns away and only showed up when his In Laws came to pick their daughter and the baby, four days later.
When they got home, he stayed around that night. Perhaps he felt the guilt of leaving his wife all alone, hardly having recovered. “You don’t have to feel sorry for me, you can go out if you want to. I will be okay.” said Bella, trying to start a conversation and kill the silence in the room. “Don’t be like that, you know I’m always here for you, why would you say that to me?”, Nicholas hesitantly replied. There was no response from the other end, silence resumed and they went to bed that night.
Remember the house Bella desperately wanted to build? It was almost done. The roofing was complete, but it had no windows, just the two main doors. She was running out of money and one day she decided to move in. Her husband was against this decision but having hardly contributed anything, his words didn’t change much. Bella was calling the shots now. That gave her some sort of satisfaction, something she hadn’t experienced in a long time. She somehow felt independent again. Maybe she had relied too much on her husband, she felt like she had her freedom back.
For the next few months, they stayed in the unfinished house. Fixing a window at a time, until one day everything was done. The house looked nice. Her maternity leave was almost up, so she decided to hire a househelp to leave Teddy with. Martin and Morris were now grown boys. In fact, Martin was sitting his final primary examinations that year. This was bothering Bella a lot, because according to their traditions, once Martin went through his rite of passage he wasn’t supposed to sleep in the same house as his mother. The village people would make a very big deal out of it, so she needed to get ready before it was time.
By now, Nicholas had gotten a couple of promotions, he had even been elected as a representative in the Teacher’s Union. He had made enough money to buy himself a nice car. From the outside, this looked like the perfect family but on the inside, things were very different. One party was doing all the work and the other was just living a flamboyant lifestyle. If they had roles, her husband’s would be showing off, because he did a good job at that.
Bella took up another loan and built her two sons a seperate brick house. Three rooms, two bedrooms and a small sitting room. Nicholas though this was a pure waste of money and thought she cared too much on what people would say about them. This didn’t stop her from doing it though, she happily went ahead with her plan. After the house was complete, she realized she had some loose money left. She decided to construct a structure for rearing chicken because at this point, she needed a side hustle. Servicing two loans from different banks with her salary was going to be hard.
This idea was perfect, she reared hundreds of chicken and sold thousands of eggs. Business was booming. She even expanded the structure and started rearing broilers, fat huge broilers. Her husband would come home late in the night and demanded fried chicken. Waking Martin and Morris up who were now in highschool and asking them to slaughter him one. Bella put up with this madness and never said a word, neither did the boys.
Martin was a smart young boy, he joined one of the best highschools in the area. His life however, took a horrible turn while in school. This is where he also found out that Nicholas wasn’t his real father and wanted to go back ‘home’.
Such a cliffhanger right? I knooooow. Anyway, apologies for not putting this up last week, life just happens and we don’t always get what we want. Stay tuned for part 4 which will be up next week hopefully where we get to know more about Martin!
Also, I have some exciting news to share with you next Wednesday right here (Hint: It’s about a book)
Thanks for being patient with this collab. It has been quite a journey lol. And also, to those who have been messaging me because I didn’t put this up last week, thanks for your concern. I appreciate each one of you❤
Missed part one? Check it out HERE first cause this is the sequel!!!
When Bella was done with college she got a job almost immediately at a local Primary School. You see, back then getting a job was way easier since plenty of positions were vacant and not as many people were educated, the white men had only left a few years earlier. Speaking of white men, Bella’s grandmother was involved in the struggle for independence, where she ended up with a partially broken back, which contributed to her passing on when old age knocked; perhaps this is where Bella got her strength from, because the things she would later go through weren’t for the faint in heart, or in body.
Soon as Bella reported to work on the first day, she got down to business. Teaching had not been something she fancied; there were way better courses out there but due to circumstances beyond her control, it was where she ended up and would later end up falling in love with the job. When growing up, boys were favored when it came to education and the case wasn’t different in her father’s house. She was once forced to stay away from school and help out in the farm in order to gather a harvest big enough to send her elder brother back to campus. She ended up missing an entire term and catching up with her fellow classmates when she returned wasn’t easy but she managed to somehow go through high school, Chogoria High School, built by the missionaries; the same ones that built Chogoria Hopsital where her latest son had been born.
There is just something about falling in love, sometimes it happens so fast you can hardly believe it’s true. She had fallen in love before, with a young lecturer and it had turned out to be a big mistake. She was a naïve and he was giving her all the sweet nothings any girl her age would’ve dreamt of although he knew very well he wasn’t there for a long time, Mark was just looking to have fun after being posted to a new environment but he instead chose to promise her heaven and earth which she sadly fell for. He ghosted a few weeks after she had told him the news of her pregnancy.
Somehow Bella was in the same situation again, this time it was Nicholas that had ignited that spark that had died long ago. The difference was this time she was much more careful; she wasn’t about to let an old flame burn her twice. Despite having gone through hell, Bella was still a stunning lady and her new job meant she was making enough money to get herself nice things that she’d only wore when Mark was still sweet. It felt good to be independent, she realized she didn’t need anyone to look or feel good and that changed her a big deal. Things like flowers, cakes and other simple gifts from men (which were a big deal back in the 80s didn’t quite move her anymore, in fact, she would randomly get into a bakery and grab herself any cake of her choice or some nice smelling flowers, go home and sip some wine. She was badass like that.
Many men had tried making advances on her but Nicholas was the only one who didn’t seem to back down, although he didn’t know that Bella had feelings for him. She liked to watch him struggle, chasing her like a man in search of treasure, she loved that feeling; partly because it made her feel important and partly because deep down her heart she felt some sort of pleasure watching men “suffer” while in chase. This is where she terribly went wrong again, she assumed that since Nicholas had passed all her “tests”, he was the one, which was far from it.
A few months later and the two had started going out on dates, after a year and a half, Nicholas thought it was nice to get one house and reduce the costs they were incurring, which made sense. Bella had just gotten married the African way and that’s how they ended up starting a family and her second child Morris was born. Having a church wedding was something she had always dreamt of and her elder sister had a huge wedding, probably the biggest that tiny village had ever witnessed, the bar had been set quite high. Whenever she asked Nicholas about it he never quite gave a direct answer about it. One day it caused a huge argument, that was the first time of the many that he lay his hands on her.
…To be continued!!!
Originally written by Munene
Edited & Published by Keshie
This is part 2/3. I know you want some closure so stay tuned for the last part of this story which drops next Wednesday.
Inside one of the maternity wards at Chogoria Hospital fell a deep cry. Bella had just given birth to her third child. Being a mother was something she had gotten used to, so was being a wife. You see back then, a good wife in the African eyes meant that you had to stay home and look after the kids, cook for your husband and basically deal with any other house chores that would come up. She had raised her other two sons well; taught them all the things a mother would teach her children and whooped them once in a while when they went astray. Martin, the first born, had become a common receiver of her strokes. He was perhaps the most adventurous of the three and this got him into trouble once in a while.
As her husband and close relatives streamed in to pick her up, she knew the journey that was about to start too well, this was a path she had gone down twice before. The first time being the hardest of the two.
Bella had grown up in a family of 12: and yes in case you are wondering, all these children were mothered by one woman, one very strong woman who received all the support she needed from her husband, something she didn’t have in her current marriage. Her father loved her so much, probably more than her other eleven siblings; and no, she wasn’t the last born. Moses was the last child in the family, he would later pass on as a result of a reckless life, one full of drugs, partying and crime. He ended up getting infected with the most dreaded disease back in the 90s, yes, the one that women could only whisper about on their way from the market, one that pastors warned their congregation against and asked them to repent since it was a curse from the almighty, that dreaded disease took the life of a young man whose father had invested in so heavily, he even took him to the then prestigious Mombasa Technical College, yes, you guessed right, Mombasa was where it all began for him before he came back home and married a beautiful girl from the neighborhood. The only person who was as beautiful as she was back then was Moses’ sister, Bella.
Everyone admired Lucy, she was fairly tall, with smooth skin… I’m terrible at descriptions, but Lucy alikuwa ameweza! She was the one that had stolen Moses’ heart, and although every other village boy would gladly put a lion to sleep for her, she somehow had a soft spot for him. We cannot blame her though, having just come from campus, miles away from home with a good sense of fashion and money, all the girls were glaring at him and giggling in excitement. His father pursued him to settle down and get married, but he loved the attention from the ladies and even when he eventually settled down and started a family of his own, he couldn’t quite stay away from them and they would later be among the reasons for his eventual downfall.
Bella’s other siblings didn’t really have anything going on in their lives that made them stand out, they all led normal lives. Her eldest sister, Charity the firstborn was married to a rich businessman, they had a huge shop at a nearby town and a house to match their high social status. A house that Martin and his brothers would visit once in a while and would be fascinated by the large television set and video games, they couldn’t quite imagine how lucky their cousins were. They had everything they could have wished for, their life looked perfect, but it was far from that.
Martin was born while Bella was still in college, in what was seen as a mistake. How dare she give birth before she’s married? But that was what was meant to be. She had to leave school for a while before she finally went back and proceeded from where she had left.
….To be continued!
Originally written by Munene
Edited & Published by Keshie
Hello you guysssss, what was that? So different from the usual. Anyway, it’s a new series which is also another amazing collaboration I’m doing with Munene. Part 2 of this series drops next Wednesday right here so stay tuned!
Munene, also known as M lol, is a controversial political blogger who decided to take a break from writing for whatever reason (you can ask him). He also has a deep interest in football and guess what, he hates cats which automatically makes him a dog, I mean, a dog person. Trust me I could go on for days talking about him so go stalk his Twitter HERE and check out his Instagram Here.
I hope you enjoyed this and if you did, don’t forget to share this to your internet friends!
Another collab! (Actually the first one this year)
Today I’m going to be taking stock with Billy. He writes too so you can check out his blog or stalk him HERE. We are also going to be doing another post on his blog so you better subscribe to him now!
Anyway, this is what we’ve been up to (or not)
Keshie : How To Get Away With Murder. I’m in season 4 now. I’ve also been watching a lot of YouTube as usual.
Billy : Blackish. I’m yet to start the first season, yeah yeah yeah I know it’s in season four and it’s because of Keshie that I’m watching it.
Keshie : Born A Crime by Trevor Noah and The Sun & Her Flowers by Rupi Kaur. Yes I’m reading two books at a time. Yes we exist.
Billy : Books??? No, I’m that kind of guy who’d rather wait for the book to release a movie. I’m going to start reading lips though.
Keshie : My appetite has been off lately but I’ve been eating a lot of simsims and apples.
Billy : Keshie sent me facts to prove my ideas wrong on how simsims are prepared. So I’m going to start eating simsims or rather give them a try.
Keshie : I’m really trying hard to think about something right now. Can we say I’ve been making a lot of progress in reading? Okay I give up, maybe Billy has been making something (or not).
Billy : Making new enemies. All my life has been about making new friends, it’s time we try something different.
Keshie : I can proudly say I have been drinking a lot of water. February was truly a month of getting colds and sore throats so I’ve not been taking soda or any energy drinks. I’ve also cut down on coffee, I take tea these days.
Billy : Drinking water of course. Recently got a notification from Google health that I’m not drinking enough water (I’m lying about the notification) but yeah, it’s true I haven’t been drinking enough water and that’s all about to change.
Keshie : I have been wanting to travel to a new place or country.
Billy : When it comes to relationships, I’m old school. Point is I want that Romeo-Juliet type of relationship. One where when one leaves the other will never recover.
Keshie : Wasting a lot of time on Netflix. But that’s just because I’m not in school at the moment and have we forgotten I had exams just about a week ago? Give me a break.
Billy : Wasting: I have been and I’m planning to waste more time.
Keshie : Honestly wishing I didn’t get a cold after every 2 weeks. It’s exhausting. Also wishing I won a lottery today.
Billy : That wishes made when a wishing star passes come true.
Keshie : The cold rainy weather. God knows how much I love the rain.
Billy : I have talked about making new enemies. I want to enjoy making these new enemies.
Keshie : ‘No drama‘ – Tinashe ftOffset. I love love this song.
Billy : Last time I checked, everybody has sung in the bathroom except me. So I must try singing in the bathroom very soon. LOVING
Keshie : Meeting new people and picking their minds.
Billy : Most of my friends think I’m good hearted. I doubt that cause I feel like I haven’t been loving them enough and I’m sorry. So I want to love my friends more.
Keshie : Hoping for more opportunities and that I work more on my goals.
Billy : There’s currently a lecturers’ strike in public universities in Kenya. I hope it lasts for a while.
Keshie : Hoodies, jackets, socks and scarfs. Staying warm all the way.
Billy : I’ve been planning this for a while. One day I’m going to wear my pajamas to school. And it must be during one of those early lessons on Monday morning. STARTING
Keshie : I’m starting to write my goals and ideas more on my notebook rather than on my phone. I’m also starting a new semester in a few weeks hopefully.
Billy : Sometimes, like right now in Nairobi, I’d rather die (kidding) than shower with cold water. I’m going to start showering with cold water.
Keshie : If this is about apps, I’ve not been installing anything new, just updates of the same old apps.
Billy : Definitely installing Tide, honestly I don’t know what the app is about but since Keshie has it and she always has the good stuff, I don’t want to be left out!
Photo credits ; @decadethirty on Instagram
Hey I hope you enjoyed reading that as much as we did doing this collab! Also, I just realized how different those answers were, except the one about eating and drinking and wasting time wow.
PS: I’m open to working with other writers or bloggers or anyone really, so if you want to, you can EMAIL or DM me on Instagram (@keshie_muchai).
PSS: Forgive me if the editing of this post is a little bit off, a girl is just tired and she wants to sleep.
Feel free to like, comment, share and all that good stuff if you want to and see you next Wednesday yes?