bleeding

The following events took place on June 26th 2019, 3 days to my birthday. Enjoy!

“…So here I am, all my intestines in the sink, the tap is running, my eyes are sweating…” “In engl please“, the narrator whispers to me. “Well maybe if you were a woman, you would know how it feels to be punished for not conceiving a child every month, but you don’t. I’ll come again. It’s the second time tonight I’ve run to the toilet to throw up. All the food which is basically the junk I ate for lunch has come back to haunt me. I can taste the enzymes and digestive juices which I learnt in biology as they pass through my throat.”
Narrator: “I-” (pauses in disgust)
Me : “Oh so you’re disgusted? I’m telling you what happened to me for the sake of this book and you wanna act disgusted?”
“I didn’t think you were going to get into detail.”, he says while looking like a hopeless cat which has been rained on all night. “Well you see, I also didn’t think I would ever dread being a girl when I was 12. But here we are now. I would say I don’t deserve this kind of pain but that would be debatable. No one deserves bad things. You are not as special as they told you so stop saying you don’t deserve that when it happens to you. It’s the circle of life. Face it.”
“So are you saying that in that moment you didn’t feel the need to blame anyone?“, he asks.
“No. All I felt at that moment was my life slowly fading away. The energy I had was leaving my body. I knew I was going to die that night. There was no way I was going to make it through all that pain. I felt happy for the moments I had shared with the people I loved. I wanted them to know it was good while it lasted. I was going to die in my bed. The least adventurous place to breathe your last. I accepted it. And I cried.”
Narrator: (pretends to be moved by my words, looks at me in pity) “So what is the message you want to pass to the person reading this?”

“I want them to know that I threw up thrice that night. In those three times, I saw my life flash before my eyes. I hated my body for being so weak. I felt disgusted and angry with myself. I want them to know that if they are reading this book right now, my body repaired itself. It healed. Just like it always has all those other months. I want women to respect and love their bodies because they are powerful. They are strong and if they needed a reminder this is it. I hope some day I get to help women with endometriosis, they have it worse. I want them to lead a normal life where they don’t have to go through so much pain every month. I want to talk to all the girls who have extremely painful cramps during their menstrual cycle. I want to validate their pain and I want them to go get checked. You surely should not be feeling like dying during every month. I want to talk to all the women who have never experienced the menstrual cycle. I want them to know that it doesn’t make them any less. We are in this together. And we are here to support each other through this thing they call womanhood. And to my 12 year old self, I want you to live your best life. The changes you are about to experience, will last a lifetime. It would be unfair to assume there exists only one gender. So, for the gentle- people, I want you to know that you can’t compare the pain we go through to anything. You have no right to say we are overreacting. Simply because you have not experienced this. I want you to educate yourself on menstrual health. You might be the only person a girl will have to ask for help during that time of the month. I want you to stop asking us if we are on our period every time we are angry or moody. Personally, I will slap you because you’ll have earned it. So let’s not do that. Most of all, I want you to respect women and their bodies. They go through so much you could never imagine. The least you could do is be there for them. I understand that all these may come off as demands. But it’s my book so I will say what I want. Do you get me?”
Narrator: “Yes ma’am.”
“That’s all I have for today. And goddamn I hope this book is worth all these sessions. See you tomorrow!“, I say as I see him off. I need a nap.

Can we all calm down. Okay thanks. I’m not in the process of writing a book just yet. But if I was, this is what a session with my editor would be like. Again, I’m not sorry for not posting. Life just happens you know. Follow my instagram @keshie_muchai. At least I’m more active on there. Okay bayii. Hope you loved this. I saw it in my drafts and laughed. I might actually write a book soon. Okay fr now, thanks for reading. BAYIIIII❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️